


i have miles to go before i sleep

by MercurialComet



Category: Indivisible
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 00:33:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21027317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercurialComet/pseuds/MercurialComet
Summary: in which a soldier finds he has a way to go to be human again





	i have miles to go before i sleep

**Author's Note:**

> god i love one (1) misguided soldier...... indivisible please let us save this man.

_ Whose woods these are I think I know. _

_ His house is in the village though; _

_ He will not see me stopping here _

_ To watch his woods fill up with snow. _

Dhar grew up on the streets; that he is certain to be the worst time in his life. Being rescued by Lord Ravannavar was one of the better times in his life, the transition from dirty rags and stagnant water to his uniform and a working bath being the strongest signs of affection he had had in his life.

At least the life he could remember.

To physically see Lord Ravannavar was rare, to be in his physical presence was even rarer. Dhar was in awe for only 2 days in his life: when he was enlisted into the Nacar army, personally overseen by Lord Ravannar himself, and when he was upgraded to the rank of Commander.

The second came with a formal dinner, where he was a personal guest of the lord, the two dining over food slightly too rich for Dhar’s stomach. After they had finished eating, Lord Ravannavar let him know that he personally had picked Dhar’s next mission: to deal with an entire village of heretics.

“I will not let you down my lord.”

“I know you wouldn’t my child. That is why I picked you.”

Dhar left the lord with an upset stomach and a soaring heart, riding out to the village the very next day.

_ My little horse must think it queer _

_ To stop without a farmhouse near _

_ Between the woods and frozen lake _

_ The darkest evening of the year. _

Dhar knows what war is like. Dhar knows how it feels like to fight, to have the thread of a person’s life be cut by the edge of his sword, the glass of their existence shattered by his rocks and stones.

This is one of the parts of his life that Dhar thinks he could live without. And then Dhar feels guilty, because Lord Ravannavar, a man who has called him his  _ child _ , has put so much trust in him to lead his battalions-

Dhar throws himself into the position, giving orders and fighting alongside his men. 

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t anguish at the sight of a person falling in the battle. It just means that he puts it off to the side: sets it as an issue for later, a detail to add in the report.

This separation of his mind from his body helps him to keep going, because Lord Rannavar obvious has a valid reason for all of this suffering.

This separation of his mind and body allows him to feel his blade go through the heart of an old man.

_ He gives his harness bells a shake _

_ To ask if there is some mistake. _

_ The only other sound's the sweep _

_ Of easy wind and downy flake. _

Ajna is an anomaly.

Dhar remembers one of Lord Ravannavar’s many rules: Never trust an anomaly. Magic could be explained, science could be studied, logic could be reasoned, and facts could be proven.

Anomalies exist to annoy all plans that are beneficial.

He remembers seeing her for the first time: him, stepping back from stabbing her dying father, her with sadness and rage in her eyes as she looks at him. 

“Save your tears for somebody who cares, girl. Your life ends now, for the glory of Lord Ravannavar!”

“You killed my father! You burned my village!”

Some part of Dhar’s brain, heavily repressed, throws words heard long ago: “Run! Take Dhar and go, my love, he-”

He comes back to reality as he hears himself speak: “There will be no one left to rebuild it.”

He should know.

* * *

The first thing he does when he blinks into a world with a purple sky is panic.  _ Oh no, not again, not that night, I don’t want to be on the streets- _

Of course, he doesn’t let it show. “Witch! With what magic have you imprisoned me?”

* * *

Every new person that Ajna meets makes Dhar feel smaller, as if there was something he never got to experience until now, from an outside perspective. 

He hates the feeling, but he despises how he feels after the groups encounter with Lord Ravannavar. He hates the feeling of betrayal, of utter worthlessness that he feels.

He makes a promise to himself to never feel that way again. 

  
  


_ The woods are lovely, dark, and deep. _

Travelling the world with the group is a lot more pleasant than he had expected. Dhar finds himself more relaxed than he had been earlier in his life, even in the middle of combat.

When they come upon Ren, the assassin’s words had blood rush to his face, a sudden inclination to look at the ground falling upon him. Of course Razmi noticed this.

“Oh wow. You truly have the worst taste in men. It’s fascinating.”

_ But I have promises to keep, _

Dhar feels himself become a more joyous person, his own self-worth not tied to another person. When Ajna comments on how cocky he’s being, he simply smiles, hearing the gasps of the others as he does so.

_ And miles to go before I sleep, _

As he guides the earth to force him up towards Ajna, or the Ajna that is currently destroying the world around him, he remembers his life: all of it. 

He remembers the reason he was thrown onto the streets.

He remembers every person that fell to his blade. 

He remembers every hurt expression he put on someone’s face.

He remembers his found family, brought together by a temperamental 16 year old.

He remembers the thrusts, parries, and slices that saved their lives.

He remembers the smiles on their faces, and the smiles they have put on his.

_ And miles to go before I sleep. _

He does not regret sacrificing himself for his new family. It was the unspoken truth about his role as the soldier anyway.

He was glad he had traveled these miles before he went to sleep.


End file.
